Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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