no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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