Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
