He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
