Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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