You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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