She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
