"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
