okay pat passed out under dana's car
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
