the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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