Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
