Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
