You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
