Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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