Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
