Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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