just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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