all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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