we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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