Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think I won the penis lottery.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
