bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
