I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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