so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
