Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
