just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
