I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
