I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
