apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
