I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
