and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
