Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
