The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
