Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The maid of honor just puked.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
