I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
