i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Barsexuality is the new black.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
