I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
