SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
