I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
