I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
