Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
