Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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