We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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