so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
