so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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