They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
