i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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