The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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