Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
