I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
