god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
