Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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