no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
