So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
